One Step at a Time, at Just the Right Time

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This is my testimony of God’s provision over the last year. I haven’t shared much detail of this with many people apart from close friends and family, but I feel that now is the right time to start to share my story.

Almost a year ago ten months ago I walked out of a marriage which was both controlling and verbally and physically abusive. I spent a lot of time feeling lonely and afraid in those years.

Of course, I felt a great relief walking away from all of that pain. But part of me felt a deep shame. I was the good Christian girl, the one who always went to youth group and read her bible every single night. I had gone to bible college and even worked for a church for a good number of years. I should not be the kind of person to find herself in this kind of situation. Broken, sitting in a solicitors office, trying to work out how exactly to get a divorce, whilst still in her twenties.

How could I possibly bounce back from that one?

But somehow God has bought me through. Through many, many boxes of tissues, he has blessed me abundantly, and continued to surprise me with his provision.

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One step at a time… At just the right time.

When I first left my marriage I felt God telling me that

A few weeks after moving in with my parents I got offered a temporary part time position working for Card Factory. I got a phone call from them, before I even reached home after handing in an application, and less than an hour later I was offered a job. To start a week and a half later, which conveniently gave me enough time to go and visit some friends and family down south. The only problem was that it was as many hours as I would have hoped for.

I needn’t have worried about that though, as one of the other temporary staff never showed up, which meant I got a lot of her hours. That combined with a lot of other unreliable staff, meant I was working full time.

After Christmas I put a down payment on a car. That very afternoon I got a phone call from an agency I had registered with, telling me there was a job working as a teaching assistant in Doncaster… if I had the transport to get there. Of course this was just a temporary role, but it was followed up by many more temporary roles. One step at a time at just the right time, of course.

 

All of these roles gave me all the work I needed, and enough time off to visit friends and family all over the country, and even in Germany. And to do something I had wanted to do for many years, take a Teaching English as a Foreign Language course.

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I could go on to tell you about the time a couple of months ago, when I was tidying up, and found an tax letter. (A P-whatever-it-is, the one you get at the end of the tax year.) Only to discover I had paid several hundred pounds too much tax, two years ago.

I could tell you about taking a care work job, to keep me going over the summer holidays. This was a job I enjoyed, but the company was so disorganised I felt I had no other choice but to quit. The next day I stumbled upon an opportunity to teach English to international volunteers. Something I really felt God wanted me to persue. Two days later I was in Essex, teaching English to the best group of volunteers. Something I would never have imagined happening ten months ago.

This whole journey has been one step at a time, at just the right time. In a lot of ways it has been terrifying, but God has taught me to rely on him whole heartedly, and he has blessed me so much through all of this. Even though ten months ago I felt so unworthy of his love, he has proven that it is so much bigger than I could have imagined.

Even though you, like me, may only have vague ideas about the future, God has great plans for you, if you trust him, one step at a time, at just the right time.

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The Reality of Crazy Big Dreams

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Sometimes I have the weirdest dreams, like the one I had when I was driving in the car with a giant guinea pig.

Other times I have the worry and stress induced dreams, like the one where all my teeth fall out, or I’m running away from trouble, but for some reason I can only run backwards; or the one where I need to scream, but no sound will come out of my mouth.

Other times I have the kind of dreams that you just don’t want to wake up from. The ones where you shut your eyes, trying to press play again.

But the best dreams aren’t the ones you have when you’re asleep. The best dreams are the ones that won’t let you get any sleep.

The things you get so excited about that you just can’t shut your brain off for ten seconds and fall asleep.

I don’t know about other people, but for me these often involve big risk, big adventure and showing people big love.

Whatever these things that keep you awake are, they wont do any good if they are simply the things that stop your sleep. As I once heard, our dreams don’t bother satan, only our actions can.

Our dreams aare only any use if, when the daylight comes, you go ahead and live them out.

That’s the hard part though.

It’s easy to stay up half the night dreaming, but that’s not how dreams come true.

Dreams don’t become reality by accident.

Bread doesn’t rise without yeast, and grape juice won’t become wine on its own. In the same way our lives are like stale bread, or a wedding without wine, if we don’t live with intent.

Our big, crazy dreams probably aren’t going to become a reality without a lot of effort, a heap of risk and a good amount of time on our knees.

Every day we can make small steps: if we live on purpose, with purpose and for a purpose.

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Live life on purpose

If your dream is to be a missionary then start praying for the country you believe God has called you to. Start practicing trusting him with your finances. Start trying to live in a cheaper way.

If your dream is to write a book start writing.

Our God-given dreams often won’t be the easiest. They will normally require some kind of risk. A risk of security, or humiliation if it fails.

But even if these dreams never come to fruition. If they are the things God has called you to they well make a difference. Chasing them will bring you closer to Him.

So choose today how you are going to live. Are you going to live on purpose, with purpose and for a purpose or are you just going to keep on drifting through life. Like a ship with out a rudder.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. (Proverbs 13:12)

 

14 What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? 15 Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. 16 If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? 17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. (James 2: 14-26)